From online dating services and singles events, to bars and social hotspots, single women and men spend countless hours searching for the one that special being who will make their heart sing. However, what do most single people do when they meet a new person to whom they feel attracted? Do they take things slowly and get to know one another, perhaps developing a friendship, or will they be blindly led by the passion they feel in the moment? If the attraction develops, will they start obsessing over one another every minute theyre not together? Chances are, the greater the initial attraction, the more that relationship is doomed to fail.

According to A. Vishwanath Vish Anantharaman, the author of The 7 Powerful Secrets of Emotional Sex, the key to finding and creating a fulfilling relationship has little to do with the attraction or sexual desire that one feels upon meeting a new person, but has everything to do with the power of ones mind and ones understanding of what it takes to make a correct choice to begin with when pursuing a soul mate or partner.

So, what are the choices? Love or lust?; attraction or beauty?; and sex or sexual desire? When a door swings open and a new person enters ones life, most individuals do not make the kinds of choices that lead to greater happiness. Instead, they choose to enter into some version of a relationship that is based on the worst possible choice for themselves.

Anantharaman shares the example of a person who is presented with a choice of being given a $10 bill or a $100 bill. Naturally, he or she will choose the $100 bill because this individual has the ability to distinguish between the two bills and understands that the $100 bill has a value that is greater than the $10 bill. When it comes to this kind of choice, all individuals can agree that choosing the $100 bill is the right choice. However, when it comes to relationships, most people will choose lust over love; attraction over beauty, and desire over sex.

If an individual can make a choice between 10 and 100, why cant he or she choose love over lust? asks Anantharaman, who believes that it is the mind that interferes with ones choice, and that it is up to us to change our thought processes. You have to make better choices in your life. If you do not know the difference between love and lust, you are shooting in the dark.

Distinguishing between ones ability to make a choice based on beauty versus attraction, Anantharaman says, Dont participate in attraction; the best choice is beauty. Attraction is like gift wrap, but beauty is the ultimate gift. When you go after the gift wrap, you tear it apart, but the real beauty lies inside.

When a relationship is primarily based on attraction, a question will linger in the mind of the person feeling the attraction: he will think about what it is that he finds so attractive. If a relationship is based upon an attraction, even after the question has been asked and answered the question will not go away. Instead, it will remain in the persons mind as he thinks about the others sexy looks, her smile, or her great body, etc. If, on the other hand, a person sees anothers beauty, he will perceive the inner value of the other through the observance of her personality.

Actions taken from beauty are healthier than attraction, says Anantharaman, who states that sex is 90% emotional, 10% physical. When one is attracted, one is an experiencer; but when one is moved by anothers beauty, one is an observer. To be an observer is the higher position. Attraction always means that one feels a sense of attachment to another, and when one feels an attachment to another person, the result is always pain, never pleasure.

To change ones thoughts, individuals must rid themselves of negative or toxic thoughts, be quiet and train their minds to know what they want. People take more care cleaning their car than they do to clean their own thoughts, says Anantharaman. Our mind picks up at least 8 hours of junk thoughts every day. We empty our dust bins and our garbage cans, but we dont empty our thoughts. A mind filled with good thoughts can never do anything wrong. All things achieved are through internal strength. Ones thinking process must be crisp and clear, concludes Anantharaman.

While it is unrealistic to suppress a sexual thought or an attraction, a healthier approach is to practice letting the thought or attraction simply pass by. For example, a person can sit under a tree watching the clouds. The moment a person attaches themselves to a cloud is the moment theyll be attached to pain when that cloud disappears. However, if one simply watches a cloud go by, they arent affected by it because they arent attached to it. Similarly, one can let their attractions simply go by.

Endorsed by Mark Victor Hansen, co-author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books, The 7 Powerful Secrets of Emotional Sex, offers many more insights about how to create a blissful and long lasting relationship where each person can experience the beauty of the other.